Moving to India was not very difficult to me. I never thought much of it. If Mr. QuaintHeart had lived in Ireland, Iceland or Italy, I'd have moved there instead. But since he lived in India, that's where I went, too.
Not once did I question myself whether I could live here or not. It seems preposterous to ask such a question. Over a billion people manage, so it seems absurd that I should not be able to manage just as well.
Naturally some major adjustments had to be done, and maybe it was of a great advantage not to have read a single travel guide book. Such fear mongering as the rubbish they publish (such as about food and water in India being unfit for consumption) is not my cup of tea. Instead, I had read a lot about Indian religion, geography, history and politics and culture, and that is the knowledge I came here with. It was all theory, but it helped me to explain to myself the quirkiness of this patch of Earth.
That does not mean I came here and fit in immediately. I came here when I was very young and I had a whole suitcase full of ideals which I considered really important to my identity and my sense of self. It was painful to learn some of the lessons. For example, I have never before been much interested in conforming to every minute rule in order to earn my place in a community. In QuaintCountry, I was a member no matter what I did. In India, I belonged to the out-group. I thought: well, if they don't love me, that is of no consequence to me. I shall remain true to myself. However, I did realize soon that relations here are so much more close-knit and it is more important to be a socially accepted member in order to integrate oneself.
It was hard. Hard to learn that women have a different status here. Hard to learn that one is judged so harshly based on flimsy grounds such as dress or the food I chose to eat. Hard to understand the difference between a value I can cherish in my heart and one that I can put on display outside.
I scoffed at Mr. QuaintHeart when he refused to take me out in a sleeveless top. I thought it was ludicrous to impose such rules on me. That was because I did not understand that our neighbourhood was extremely conservative and there were some not-so-nice shops around. In addition, I was quite unable to understand the gestures and tiny signals Indians give which would help me to judge a situation to be either harmless or tense.
I learn such things over time.
When I look back at my first months, I am sometimes appalled by my lack of understanding. Most of us consider ourselves to be open-minded and tolerant and culturally sensitive, but we not. I judged things I observed through my QuaintCountry spectacles, and it took a long time and an inner struggle to discard them in order to judge Indian realities through Indian eyes.
That does not mean I accept things without questioning them. It also does not mean that I am unable to decide between right and wrong. Or that I would put the stamp of approval on just about anything just because this is India and They Are Like That Only. No way. But it does mean that I have learnt the subtle difference between the things I have a right to change and can change, and the things that don't fall into this category.
I am sure that ten years down the line I shall look at my self of 2011 and laugh out loud at some of the ideas I hold today, but that does not scare me. I just goes to show that we all grow.
Not once did I question myself whether I could live here or not. It seems preposterous to ask such a question. Over a billion people manage, so it seems absurd that I should not be able to manage just as well.
Naturally some major adjustments had to be done, and maybe it was of a great advantage not to have read a single travel guide book. Such fear mongering as the rubbish they publish (such as about food and water in India being unfit for consumption) is not my cup of tea. Instead, I had read a lot about Indian religion, geography, history and politics and culture, and that is the knowledge I came here with. It was all theory, but it helped me to explain to myself the quirkiness of this patch of Earth.
That does not mean I came here and fit in immediately. I came here when I was very young and I had a whole suitcase full of ideals which I considered really important to my identity and my sense of self. It was painful to learn some of the lessons. For example, I have never before been much interested in conforming to every minute rule in order to earn my place in a community. In QuaintCountry, I was a member no matter what I did. In India, I belonged to the out-group. I thought: well, if they don't love me, that is of no consequence to me. I shall remain true to myself. However, I did realize soon that relations here are so much more close-knit and it is more important to be a socially accepted member in order to integrate oneself.
It was hard. Hard to learn that women have a different status here. Hard to learn that one is judged so harshly based on flimsy grounds such as dress or the food I chose to eat. Hard to understand the difference between a value I can cherish in my heart and one that I can put on display outside.
I scoffed at Mr. QuaintHeart when he refused to take me out in a sleeveless top. I thought it was ludicrous to impose such rules on me. That was because I did not understand that our neighbourhood was extremely conservative and there were some not-so-nice shops around. In addition, I was quite unable to understand the gestures and tiny signals Indians give which would help me to judge a situation to be either harmless or tense.
I learn such things over time.
When I look back at my first months, I am sometimes appalled by my lack of understanding. Most of us consider ourselves to be open-minded and tolerant and culturally sensitive, but we not. I judged things I observed through my QuaintCountry spectacles, and it took a long time and an inner struggle to discard them in order to judge Indian realities through Indian eyes.
That does not mean I accept things without questioning them. It also does not mean that I am unable to decide between right and wrong. Or that I would put the stamp of approval on just about anything just because this is India and They Are Like That Only. No way. But it does mean that I have learnt the subtle difference between the things I have a right to change and can change, and the things that don't fall into this category.
I am sure that ten years down the line I shall look at my self of 2011 and laugh out loud at some of the ideas I hold today, but that does not scare me. I just goes to show that we all grow.
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